"Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life." -Richard Bach
When I was little I watched a marriage that was the epitome of dysfunctional. I dreamt of finding my prince charming, my soul mate, to whisk me away and forever protect me and teach and show me love. At the very young age of 17 I met my husband. I wasn't living at home anymore because of safety issues. He was a police officer in the town I lived in. Of course I thought he was Prince Charming. He said all the right things, he did the right things, he cared about what I liked. We dated five months, then shortly after I turned 18 we got married. He was my first, and my only sexual partner. If I had to describe our marriage I would call it one of control, insecurities, and distrust tangled with happiness, children, and love. Now after 15 years it is a battle of wills. One might look at us and think we have the "perfect marriage". It is amazing how difficult it is to deceive the people around you. I love my husband and I truly believe he was my Prince Charming, but sadly I have realized he is not my soul mate. I used to be carefree and happy all of the time. I dealt with things at home when I was younger and I knew that my life would be better some day. After getting married I changed to someone who struggles with happiness, and is very quiet, and not so carefree. I miss my old self. When part of my old self reappears then my husband will attempt to tame it. My "box" that I mentioned in my last post is cold, dark, and suffocating. I yearn to have a deep love, a deep sense of passion for my partner, a partner who loves every aspect of me and doesn't try to conform me to what they think I should be like. I want someone who wants to do new things, try new things, and doesn't care about the world around us. A soul mate is one I believe that will gladly do things for you, because of you. Prince Charming is one who, I believe, wants to look good to other people while doing it. I want my soul mate.
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